It breaks my heart to think that today might be someone's last day in this world because they would rather be dead than be who they truly are...Gay!

Being pride month, I feel it's my responsibility to share some of my story and experiences in the hope it helps someone reading this. 

I remember being 16 thinking to myself in the shower one morning, "What if you're gay?" As soon as that thought came, I remember the overwhelming dread that washed over me.  "I can't be, NO!" and I pushed those feelings so far down, they didn't come to the surface until 7 years later, when I started dating my first girlfriend. 

It was the worst time of my life. I experienced severe anxiety, depression, I lost "friends", and started experimenting with drugs to numb the pain. I couldn't deal with "coming out" at all. I was riddled with shame, to the point I ran away so I didn't have to face anyone. 

The numbing continued, I worked hard and partied harder! They were some bloody good times let me tell you! Until it wasn't fun anymore. My mental and physical health started to suffer, the relationship became toxic, and I had hit my all time rock bottom. 

So what did I do? For the next 12 months I went walkabout to do a bit of soul searching. I went to Bali, then back to Bali, then Thailand, then Singapore, then India, then Uluru.

I was a pissed off, lost girl with some serious identity issues, and I needed some answers;

1. Why the fuck did God make ME gay?
2. What did I ever do to deserve this as well as all the other bullshit I've been through?
3. What the fuck is this life all about anyway?
4. Who the fuck's runnin this show?

I then went from drug fean, party girl, to yoga warrior and spiritual gangster. I gave up the drugs and booz and replaced it with plants and meditation. I became vegan, and devoted everything I had to learning ancient practices passed down from our ancestors. I was healing, connecting to culture, to spirit, and to the essence of who I truly was. 

Now don't get me wrong, there were still plenty times I tried to be "straight." It took me a very long time to completely love and accept myself. But I knew that deep down, if my "Creator" created me this way? Then it must be my truth! Right? 

Sometimes our life doesn't always plan out like the pretty little picture we paint for ourselves in our head. But what I do know to be true, is that we have everything we need inside of ourselves to overcome whatever hurdles are on our path so we can attain personal freedom and self-realisation. 

All we have to do is go within, heal the ugly bits from our past that have tarnished us, wear your scars with pride, and know that you were born PERFECT! There is nothing wrong with you! Yeah you may not fit it into the 'normal' box, but it's boring AF in there anyway.

The world needs different. it needs authenticity, IT NEEDS YOU shining your light so fucking bright so that the younger generations see you, and know that it's ok to be who THEY TRULY ARE TOO!

Our younger generations need you to keep going!

Pave the way for them and make it ok for them to be who they are. Don't break, get stronger! You are a warrior!

Hold the vision you have for yourself, but also let go of the "picture" you have in your head, because sometimes, the universe/spirit has a better one.

BELIEVE and trust that whatever is in your heart, and whatever you are seeking, is also seeking you.

BE BRAVE

BE TRUE

BE YOU

Sending you all the love, light and epic vibes,

Charlie xo