It's 5am. I just poured my coffee and thought I would share some shit with you. 

I cried myself to sleep last night, after putting Arlo, my 4 year old daughter to sleep. "Mummy I miss my Nanny!" She cried. 

It breaks my heart watching her grieve. It's hard enough to carry my own grief let alone hers. I try and talk about all the beautiful memories we had with Nan, the funny times, and her favourite times. 

Nan always said that "When it happens, don't be sad. Know that I've had a beautiful life, we had all you kids, and Pop's waiting for me."

Grief is such a weird thing. I find myself being distracted most of the time through the days. But the thought; "she's gone," lingers in the back of my mind. 

I've been hitting the garage gym a lot lately to cope. It gives me a sense of purpose, and Arlo loves training with me as well. We hold emotion in our fascia, the connective tissue between the muscle and our bones. 

Physical exercise and yoga can literally release emotion from our body. It's the only way to truly heal from emotional pain. It's important we show our kids how to deal with, and process emotions in a healthy way.

It's also important to go within, to meditate, and actually feel the emotion that is coming to the surface. I feel like as a culture we have learnt to suppress our emotions because it's too uncomfortable and painful to feel it. 

Instead, the use of drugs, alcohol, TV, and food to distract and escape the pain has become common.  

I don't know all the answers. But what I have come to learn, is that grief, pain, sadness and all those shitty emotions we feel at times, are there because we have loved someone or something so fucking much, that the thought of having lost them breaks us into a million pieces. 

So how do we make it through? We look to the stars and choose to believe that they are watching over us. They live within us. Hear their voices whisper to us. Hear their laugh, relive all the precious memories that live forever in our minds. 

We choose to live a full life, we choose to carry out their legacy, and live a life full of love and laughter. We decide to chase our wildest dreams because they are right behind us cheering us on and making shit happen for us. 

They're not gone. They live within us, in our hearts. x

Loads of love, light and epic vibes,

Charlie. xo