”All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe.”

~ Louise Hay

I find myself getting overwhelmed by the waves of emotions. Last night, after Arlo went to sleep, I went back to an old habit that I need (and want) to let go of. I drowned my sorrows in nearly a full bottle of wine and finished the night wrapped around the toilet bowl. (Yep, I know…)

I vomited so much, I had it coming out of my nose. lol. All the emotions coming out with it. It WAS NOT my finest moment. I’m not gonna beat myself up about it. It is what it is, I didn’t like it, and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do it again. 

The next morning...

I woke up this morning and did my breath-work meditation. I took my awareness to my heart centre. It feels tight, it's aching. I focused on releasing the pain with each exhale. Then finally, the release came. I wonder when the day will come when my morning's aren't filled with tears. When the pain in my heart fades away, and the empty feeling in my belly is replaced with my own power. 

I've started a strength program 3 x a week to help me feel stronger. Some days I cry through every movement, some days I don't. I repeat my Mantra's to help me through my workouts, "The Universe has a bigger plan," "There is a reason for this," "I am strong." I feel deeply into the grief, rather than running away from it or numbing it, which is what I used to do in the past. It hurts, and that's ok, this is just a season. 

One practice I have done daily, even in the hospital, on the first night, when my lifeless baby was still in my belly, was my breath-work meditation. I slept for one hour that night, and for the rest of it, I followed my breath going in and out of my body, crippled with the trauma of what was happening. My breath-work practice has helped me stay connected with my spirit, to the greater power that is beyond our comprehension. Is it God, Mother Earth, Father Sky, Buddha, Tao, Krishna? Maybe it's all of it. Maybe it's all the same, weaving it's way through all living things...

Whatever it is, it's what I'm holding onto, to carry me through this temporary turbulence.

Sending you loads of love, light and epic vibes,

Charlie xo

The name that can be named is not the eternal name. The nameless is the beginning of heaven and earth. The named is the mother of the ten thousand things. Ever desireless, one can see the mystery.