As parents and caregivers, we often find ourselves in moments of stress, frustration, or overwhelm that can lead to us 'losing our shit.' And while we may feel like we need to stay calm for the sake of our kids, the truth is that our nervous systems are deeply connected. The way we respond to stress directly influences how our children feel and behave. 

I once heard that our kids express what we suppress, and for me, I have found this so true. Kids are super sensitive to energy, so while we may be 'keeping it together," our kids can feel our inner turmoil.

The concept of co-regulation refers to how adults help children manage their emotions and nervous system states. But in order to co-regulate effectively, we first need to regulate ourselves! This creates a safe, soothing environment for our kids to process their own big feelings such as anger. We need to teach our kids that it is ok to feel yucky emotions. It's part of being human. 

Here are some practical ways to stay calm and regulated so you can guide your kids through their emotional ups and downs. Here are five simple strategies to help you regulate your nervous system.

1. Practice Deep Breathing
Deep breathing is one of the most effective tools for calming your nervous system in moments of stress. When you take slow, deliberate breaths, you signal to your body that it's time to shift from "fight or flight" mode into a more relaxed state.

How to do it:
- Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4.
- Hold the breath for a count of 4.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 6.
- Repeat for a few cycles until you feel your body start to relax.

Taking deep breaths not only helps you calm down, but it also models the behaviour for your kids. They’ll notice and may begin to imitate the calming rhythm of your breath. (Or even tell you to breathe when you become deregulated. haha)

2. Ground Yourself

Grounding exercises can quickly bring your awareness into the present moment, helping you reconnect to your body and calm your nervous system. This can be especially helpful when you're feeling overwhelmed or reactive.

How to do it:
- Stand outside with your bare feet on the Earth.
- Focus on the sensation of your feet connecting to the ground. Imagine roots growing from your feet down into the earth, providing stability and strength.
- Slowly notice the environment around you—what you see, hear, and feel.

This simple practice can help interrupt the stress cycle, allowing you to better handle whatever challenges come your way.

3. Engage in Gentle Movement

Sometimes, the best way to calm your body is to move it. Physical activity can release tension and boost the production of feel-good hormones like serotonin. If you’re feeling stressed, a little movement can help reset your nervous system and improve your ability to co-regulate with your kids.

How to do it:
- Try simple stretches or yoga poses that help release tension in the body. Focus on areas where you feel tightness, like your shoulders, neck, or hips.
- You could also go for a short walk, dance to your favourite song, or whatever it is that helps you feel more grounded.

Incorporating small amounts of movement throughout your day can help you stay regulated, and it’s an easy way to set a positive example for your kids about how to cope with stress.

4. Use Soothing Touch

Human touch has the power to activate the parasympathetic nervous system (the "rest and digest" system), helping to calm down feelings of anxiety or agitation. Whether it’s a hug, a gentle hand on your chest, a soothing back rub, or energy healing techniques such as Reiki, touch can instantly regulate your nervous system and give you a sense of safety and comfort.

How to do it:
- When you feel your stress levels rising, place one hand on your heart or gently rub your shoulders.
- If your child is struggling, offer a calm touch, like holding their hand or giving them a reassuring hug. This helps you both stay grounded in the moment and creates a sense of emotional connection.

By using touch to self-soothe, you’re teaching your child that physical comfort can help them feel better when they’re upset too.

5. Prioritise Self-Care

Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. When we neglect our own well-being, our stress levels increase, making it harder to regulate our emotions and help our children do the same. Taking time for yourself allows you to recharge so you can show up as the calm, centered parent your child needs.

How to do it:
- Carve out a few minutes each day for activities that help you feel rejuvenated, whether it’s a warm bath, reading, journaling, going for a run, or spending time in nature.
- Practice setting boundaries to protect your emotional energy. It's okay to say no to things that drain you or take on more than you can handle.

Taking care of yourself not only helps you stay regulated but also shows your kids the importance of taking breaks and tending to their own emotional needs.

Remember, regulating your nervous system is not about perfection. It’s about consistently returning to the essence of who you truly are even in the midst of chaos. When we are able to regulate ourselves, we can create a safe emotional space where our children can learn how to manage their own feelings.

Life is a beautiful dance of highs and lows, connection and co-regulation. Let's teach our kids to express their big emotions in healthy ways. Take a deep breath, practice grounding, move your body, offer a gentle touch, and prioritise self-care.